l'chaim

it's funny how once you get a taste of the good life, normal everyday things seem so bland. Last night was my college roomate's wedding at the Walddorf Astoria NYC. Black ties and prada dresses filled the cathedral sized halls of the reception area. Silicon implants swelled the plunging necklines of the women all hailing from beverly hills. Even the grandma's were off the hook. And believe me this is BEFORE i started drinking. Arriving there at around 6 pm we walked into the cocktail rooms where a classical quintet was playing in each of the 2 rooms. Imported caviar and a gray goose martini bar flanked by multiple giant ice sculptures comprised the center of the larger of the 2 rooms. Champagne with essence of peach and chambord were handed out fervently as I did a doubletake at the women dressed in traditional Japanese garb serving up fresh sushi and sashimi. The caliber of women here was the highest I'd have scene outside the glare of my computer screen. Every girl was a dime. I knew from the start I had no shot; even more so than usual. You see, I am not jewish , nor am I rich enough to allow these women to overlook that fact. I tried playing off the sephartic angle awhile back but I was caught red handed when I told a girl that I had never wailed, let alone at some wall in Jerusalem.
A few drinks later all the young men are led to a side room where a table filled with grey goose, chivas and kosher food sat in the middle. We were about to witness the groom sign the wedding contract. Seemed harmless enough until the old men and some of the groom's friends broke out in traditional jewish hymns. Shots were passed back in rapid succession and shouts of "l'chaim" reverberated off of the cathedral ceilings. An hour or so into the wedding and already we were well on our way to a marathon nite of spirit imbibing. Next was the actual ceremony. We walked into what for all intents and purposes was a complete outdoor garden brought into this huge room in the Waldorf. Trees with lillies lined the aisle and the huppah was decked out in flowers and lillies as well. Feeling thirsty, Larry decides to go get us drinks. What he comes back is something out of Leaving Las Vegas: tall pint glass filled to the brim with Goose. The reception went on for about 30 minutes, climaxing under the heel of the groom's feet when he smashed the glass and the crowd yelled "Mazeltauf!".
We filed into the banquet hall to the most amazing room I've ever seen. Huge ceilings, romantically lit balconies, concert lighting, and the same lilly trees that I saw earlier were the centerpieces at the tables. At each table sat a bottle of Goose, patron, 3 bottles of wine, pellegrino and some other "designer" water. Another ceremony commenced as the groom was lifted in a chair and hoisted amidst some boisterious jewish music. We circled and danced and even yours truly was immersed in the dancing, holdings hands with random men in a huge circle. The dancing in circles coupled with the endless vodka shots made for an interesting start of motion sickness as I disengaged and headed back to the table. a total of 5 bands played on the main stage that would have rivaled the one at PNC arts center. There was a black bland, a hispanic band, a russian band, and 2 other mixed ones complete with costume, dancing, and shirtless black men with bad dreadlocks. "Damn reggie i heard of dreadlocks, but shitlocks??" The food was soo good that the next morning I shit out a diamond. I think it was a princess cut. There was a chocolate fountain, which as it hypnotized me I fantasized about coating on of these Milfs in it and having dessert in the privacy of her suite. The dancing and drinking went on infinitely and it was the late hour of 3 am before the bride threw the bouquet. Everyone was in bad shape. My table was full of frat boys that insisted on pouring out shots every 2 minutes. I cut out with a friend back to boken at the ripe hour of 4 and dreamed of a better life, scheming to make the millions that would make this nite return when it was my time.