From Hackencrack to Hoe broken

A farewell party for my company's CEO last nite turned out to be yet another alcohol and cheap beef fueled debacle. Most of the nite's merriment was facilitated by easy access to the open bar and quick turnaround time due to the small number of revilers that attended. After an entertaining video made by a coworker as a montage of our CEO's years at the company was aired, the revilers stormed the bar like it was the beaches of Normandy. Many a good man and woman went down, mired underfoot of their (up to that point) brethren.
For the calm before the storm had just commenced, as conversations were conducted with judicious reservedness and the dancing shoes had been stowed safely under the bar. Fast forward 45 minutes to my boss describing the sex toy he had bought for his wife and how much they enjoyed using it. The story was chokingly absorbed by the audience as one by one, they migrated to the bar to scrub the visuals out of their heads with the help of that dirty bastard, Jose Cuervo.

The dancing began in grand fashion as the dj ( who looked strikingly like Yakov Smirnoff) began pumping the batmitzvah playlist. I'll admit I'm not one to dance but my coworker kept feeding everyone shots and amazingly enough many of us found ourselves rapping the chorus to Ain't nuttin but a g thang. Even the Isrealis knew the words! At around 10 pm EVERYONE at the party was officially cut off from the bar. You get that? EVERYONE. I have never been to any event where the entire place was cutoff for drinking too much. amazing. The party quickly dissipated and eventually I was persuaded to drive a few of my more inebriated colleagues to Hoboken to extend the merriment. Mike had a tear in his eyes as he parted with his BMW, more out of fear that the Mafia clientele that he caught grilling him was plotting to pipe bomb his car. In Hoboken, the scene was grim. Many the unsavory character lined up at lana lounge for a East LA gang bang. We passed them and entered oddfellows to a room of portly white women and watered down drinks. 2 more hours of this and we all parted our separate ways. It was 1 am and mike had to be at work in 3 hours. He didn't look happy. Morning came and went. Noon came and found both mike and I still lying in our respective beds; him carless and missing a large part of his dignity. I made the effort and went to work only to find out im going back to Phoenix!! (see Days of Blunder)