Friday, August 19, 2005

The boys of summer

Lucidity is floating in and out right now due to the double shot of vicoden that's coursing through my pizza filled arteries. I was under the knife this morning getting 3 teeth extracted. The surgeon required that someone had to be present with me so that I could get home safely. Apparently Jignesh the cab driver wasn't enough...
So I had to call Lori to come with me since she is off for the summer. I made the mistake of going on a 4 bar bender last nite with the schmoilito. From Tom Collins to Jack and Jameson,it a dude fest on the bar front. Schmoilito offered some good advice. He said "Fob, tonite you have a girlfriend. Now go out there and talk to some girls." the first place I was afforded the privilege of engaging a young pretty thing in conversation was at the venerable "bahama Mama's". I rolled up on cute Indian shorty and slurred out some cheddar-laden line about drinks and buying and caste system. MY attempts were arrested with a polite no thank you after which I breathed a sigh of relief since I had a girlfriend at home. Do I? Shit! No! Damn you schmoiL! Feeling worse than ever I hit a few more places, not caring that I was supposed to fast for tomorrow's surgery after midnite. IT was now 1 pm and plans for brewing for a late nite Diner roundtable meeting. Sure enough at 2 pm I had my paws entrenched in the ranch dipping bowl, voraciously sampling the finest poppers in all of the land. Needless to say my 10:30 wake up time today was less than desirable. I got up and rang lori who sounded like pure hell- apparently she had been puking all nite and was still so drunk that I had to drive her car to the doctor's.
I had never experienced nitrous-oxide before. I was told it would feel like I had a few beers. Feeling nauseous from the night before my stomach churned - this coupled with the interrogation that the nurses delivered beforehand into whether I had stuck with my fast the nite before and how if I hadn't I could puke under the anesthesia,
which could go into my lungs and die... The nitrous was pure heaven. It was mellow and completely relaxing. I had the intense desire to chat up the lovely nurse to my left. But I had learned my lesson from the night before. Choose your battles wisely.
Soon the anesthesia took hold and I was experiencing at least a 200 high. You gotta know some good hookups to get this fucked up!

What seemed like 20 minutes later, I was told it was done and I could go. As I sit here awash in painkilling euphoria I'm thinking ahead to the movers at are coming at 7 am to move me to my new apt. Stay tuned for that whole mess :)

Sunday, August 07, 2005

A mullet, A mark, A mission

This weekend afforded me an unexpected evening in the country without the inconvenience of even having to leave NJ. A friend invited a few of us up to his parent's house in sussex county, or the Northern equivalent of the mason-dixie line. An hour drive or so saw us passing rolling hills, cows and even a Llama!
The NJ state fair was in full swing as we engaged the yokel throng perusing the various fatkins diet inspired treats, carnival rides, and carnie games. I grabbed a corn dog and instantly was enamored at observing the townies and the best NJ has to offer. A friend had the brilliant idea to have a photo scavenger hunt of various breeds of mullets. Luckily there was no shortage of the "business in the front,party in the back" hair "style" (thanks Chris). Also in abundance were jean shorts, oakleys, overalls, pickup trucks, cowboy hats, and dirty looks at your favorite fob. What there was a shortage of was teeth, lip wax, shirts, bathing, and a post high school education. We immersed ourselves in everything there was from good food, games, and beer to freak show attractions and off color commentary of the locals. One thing that can be said about the area was that pollution hasn't touched the area. Had it not have been cloudy, we could have easily have seen every constellation in the sky.

Afer the fair we headed to my friend's house for some serious drinking. Miller lite flowed, well, like water. The highlight of the nite was 6 of us belting out an ad hoc version of "Dead or alive" 3 times in a row. Even though it didn't feel like we were in nj, Bon Jovi certainly brought the reality of the fact that still were in the Garden State home.